As I brainstormed the writing of this blog, I realized the same theme was disguised in every topic that came to mind. I was focusing on what was wrong and how I believed things “should be” in many different contexts in my life. I hesitated to write any of it. In attempting to gain perspective, I wanted to explore how I might be playing a role in perpetuating my own dissatisfaction. Then, the “ah hah” moment came, and I realized that I had set myself up for difficulties by holding fast to these ideas of how I believed things “should be.”
When I allowed myself to become fully immersed in the “should be” state of mind, I couldn’t find the flexibility I needed in order to roll with the punches. In personal relationships, I allowed myself to be disappointed to a point that I disconnected. Expectations, of course, are the building blocks for formulating the “should be’s.” So what are fair expectations? Aren’t we are entitled to set expectations for others in order to create healthy personal boundaries? Yes. But knowing when to let go and realize that each person makes choices in how they behave every single day and that those choices are completely in their control and out of my control is necessary.
I can believe systems or people “should be” a certain way, but when I allow these beliefs to trouble me and disappoint me, I am not accepting things the way they are, and my personal peace is compromised.
“The way things are.” What a simple statement. There is peace in accepting that various situations in life are as they are and therefore are as they should be. This is especially hard for someone like me to accept. Why? Because I learned somewhere along the way that I was capable of manipulating certain variables in my life, against the odds, to create success (I am using this term loosely and in many different contexts) for myself. I found myself capable of making things happen. I developed a strong sense of self-efficacy. Yet, here I am in a different phase of life realizing the importance and the value in accepting things the way they are.
As it turns out, the “way things are” is a perfectly, imperfect concept because of the inherent challenges it imposes on each of our lives. Without challenges, how would we grow, and how would we know what we are capable of? Without accepting that each person has their own journey (sometimes treacherous and clumsy) and that their behaviors may cause us hardships, difficulties or hurt feelings, we will forever be frustrated, disappointed and stuck in trying to create what we deem “should be.”
Tags: acceptance, challenges, growth
March 19th, 2011 at 7:19 pm
What a great first post, Karen! I love this quote:
“Without challenges, how would we grow, and how would we know what we are capable of?”
No matter what happens in our lives, I am a firm believer that everything we encounter shapes us as a person. I think we are not given anything we cannot handle. That doesn’t mean we don’t get frustrated, hurt, or angry, but we have to work through those natural emotions in order to focus and move forward.
I can’t wait to read more. Keep ‘em coming!
March 19th, 2011 at 9:45 pm
There are a billion people blogging today… a respectable percentage of those are educators. Why would anyone spend time reading such things? Here’s why: because some of those authors are just plain honest.
That is what we’ve been missing from traditional media for so long. We crave others like ourselves, going through similar situations now and again, who bravely reflect in open spaces. From my experience, there is nothing quite like it when trying to come to terms with the way you think or feel about something.
I love sitting with friends and colleagues to get them up and running in digital spaces. However, what makes that really gratifying is when that work really pans out and allows the voice of another to gain wings.
Well done.